First Post

I would like to start off by saying that I find it very strange to be writing like this out in the open. I am writing this first blog from Baghdad Iraq right now. I have been in country for about nine months now. I am so ready to come home. This is my fourth deployment since 2002 and to be quite honest I am tired. I find it very strange that I am a Guard Member and yet I have four deployments under my belt. Some of these deployments have been rewarding and others have been a test of endurance to make it to the end. This deployment fits into the latter. Don’t get me wrong. As far as living conditions go this is the best deployment ever. I have air conditioning, TV, bed and a great place to eat dinner each and every night. I am not out on the roads getting shot at and life for the most part is safe. There was a time in this deployment that we received a lot of rocket fire from our not so friendly neighbors. This is the first time in my military career that I felt like the prey instead of the hunter. I must admit that I do not like being the prey very much. The funny thing about deployments is that you go through a lot of mood swings. Sometimes you are really up and happy and then other times you feel like you are just getting by. You try and not think about home too much. If you think about home too much then you will realize how much of your wife’s, kids and friends lives you are missing out on. There are the birthdays of your spouse, kids and friends that you would normally be a part of that you missed out on. There are those special times when you have friends over for fellowship that have been missed forever. You missed seeing your son play his first football game. Not everything that you miss is a good thing either. You learn how some people depend upon you. It could be something as simple as your aging mother having a broke dishwasher that you could have replaced or fixed if you were there. It could also be your wife having trouble starting the weed eater to edge the yard. I have found that deployments tend to take both the good and bad from your life. It is these things that tend to define a lot of who or what you are. Without these things it leaves a piece of you that is empty. You will always have your fellow service members to work, play and laugh with. You will almost always build lasting friendships when you are deployed to a war zone. These new friends that you have made will know a piece of you that no other person will know about. Deployments tend to bring out your very best and worst qualities that you have to offer. Things that not even your closest friend in life may know about you. This sounds very cliché, but you do develop a brotherhood with people you deploy with. We all are missing out on some of the things I listed above. We are all broke in the aspect that we are not whole people when we are not around our loved ones. Many of us feel pain in the same way but how we deal with that pain can be very different from person to person. Those of us who are older I think have a better grasp on things. I turned 40 in this country…But there have been some that just hit 19, 20 or 21 since they have been here. I wonder what it would be like to miss out on those youthful milestones in your life by being stuck over here. Yes, I think us old guys who are getting close to the 20 year mark of service have it much easier. Well, I think this is quiet enough for my first blog. I will try and make the next one much more happy.